“Aye yai yai yai… I am the frito bandito…”
......Most would never know it, but these lyrics and her special dance that always matched this little tune, quickly enter my vision as I think of the highlight reel for my mom. Yes my mom. The reserved, sweet, quiet lady we all call ‘Jenise’ could put on quite a little show with this one. (if I end up dead after this post… you’ll all know why) She’d have us giggling in 5 seconds flat. I loved that about her. No matter what was going on as a little girl, no matter how much my heart was breaking or chaos was ensuing on the inside, she brought a peace to my childhood.
As a teenager, she would try so hard to get me to understand how loved I was, how special I was, but I couldn't understand. I had a deep seated hatred for myself. A poison that continually flowed through my mind but was masked in perfectionism, performance & smiles. Lots of smiles. Very few knew this daily battle that ensued within me and I can now see how it took it’s toll on those who did.
At a very young age we became friends. This helped us both conquer our demons. Every little girl needs their mother like every mother needs their little girl. (or child) God graced us from the beginning to see Him at work in our lives. My mom rarely cried but one day as she sat on a step, alone & scared I reassured her at 5/6 years old that the man above would help us. All would be fine. My then, atheist mom, was surprised by this but by golly He did, He has, He will.
......Most would never know it, but these lyrics and her special dance that always matched this little tune, quickly enter my vision as I think of the highlight reel for my mom. Yes my mom. The reserved, sweet, quiet lady we all call ‘Jenise’ could put on quite a little show with this one. (if I end up dead after this post… you’ll all know why) She’d have us giggling in 5 seconds flat. I loved that about her. No matter what was going on as a little girl, no matter how much my heart was breaking or chaos was ensuing on the inside, she brought a peace to my childhood.
As a teenager, she would try so hard to get me to understand how loved I was, how special I was, but I couldn't understand. I had a deep seated hatred for myself. A poison that continually flowed through my mind but was masked in perfectionism, performance & smiles. Lots of smiles. Very few knew this daily battle that ensued within me and I can now see how it took it’s toll on those who did.
At a very young age we became friends. This helped us both conquer our demons. Every little girl needs their mother like every mother needs their little girl. (or child) God graced us from the beginning to see Him at work in our lives. My mom rarely cried but one day as she sat on a step, alone & scared I reassured her at 5/6 years old that the man above would help us. All would be fine. My then, atheist mom, was surprised by this but by golly He did, He has, He will.
As a young adult she helped me in every way she could as I drifted from here to there and everywhere looking for love in all the wrong places. She worried, she cried, she prayed. At times she looked at me with disappoint and I didn't blame her for that, I just didn’t know how to get out from that pit of despair. But long story short, I survived my 20’s!! lol Praise God and thank you mom.
In August of my 28th year, on the side of the rockies outside of Denver, God made some things very clear. He ushered in a deep, deep healing to every part of me that was broken or had ever been broken. That day I came to know & see many in my life, but especially my mother, in a whole new light. He gave me a depth, to something He had put in me as a child that helped me survive so much, but this depth now enabled me to move forward, to pursue life and no longer just survive. It was a new beginning.
Less than a year later my mom, Andy and I pursued a business venture together and we both blossomed. She’s my little flower (yes she knows I call her that… it’s endearing if you know our whole story lol). I am so proud of who she was then and even more proud of who she has become today. She always stepped up to the plate for my sister and I and as she is getting older God is showering her with love and teaching her to care for herself as well. This brings me so much joy and I well up with pride for her.
She loves my husband as her own and he welcomes her into our life and home as if she were his. This is a rare and beautiful gift for which I am so grateful. She is the most incredible grandma and I hope to one day get to experience life with her and call her grandma to children of our own, but until then I’ll enjoy seeing her light up with pride as she loves on all my nieces & nephews. She is a wonderful woman, this lady that I call mom.
She’s got the softest hands and hair that I love to run my fingers through. It’s these little things we’ll all miss when our mothers are gone, so this Mother’s Day, celebrate that lady in your life. Love on her. She needs you. You need her. She gave it all for you. Return the gift and notice her. Really notice her. All she has done. All she still does. All she is & is yet becoming. Well up with pride because THAT is YOUR mother & no one else is like her!!! Happy Mother’s Day mom! I love you!
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